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The Two Fort Boonesboros

Coming into Boonesboro off I-75, you'll see several signs directing you towards Fort Boonesboro, leading you down into a valley off the right-hand side of the road where a huge and majestic fort awaits you impressively. Problem is, it's NOT Fort Boonesboro. It's a hilariously inaccurate "replica" of the original Fort, which no longer exists. This Fort is more like something out of a bad movie, a clean and pristine shaker-like community with many buildings containing profoundly unhappy-looking people in period clothing giving capsule dissertations on soap making, whittling, and other rustic stuff.

Historical accuracy here is completely out the window, with the setting looking more like a scene out of the final season of Little House on the Prairie than the rugged primitive shelter the real Fort was. Everyone is clean and dapper in their machine-stitched polyester colonial duds. The plaque at the Fort's massive gates tries to give the impression that this is the actual original Fort, and only uses the word "replica" deep in the text. Never mind that this isn't even close to even being a replica. Incidentally, the fake-Fort people often spell it "Boonesborough", which is kind of ironic, adding "ugh" to Boonesboro.

Even the towering stone monument out front in the parking lot, which at a glance seems to be a tribute to the Fort settlers, is actually a self-congratulatory tribute to the people who built this travesty, with a complete list of all their names. I'm not making this up.

As we were taking these pictures, a family from North Carolina rolled up and eagerly headed to the Fort, marveling at Daniel Boone's amazing handiwork. Far be it from me to pop their bubble.

Click here and here for more pics.

Click here to see the real Fort Boonesboro.

Click here for the fake Fort's official (and misleading) web site